Tyrion – So much more fun with a real human to interact with. And after the dragons showed up, we got a little taste of Hand of the King Tyrion. I think that’s the best Tyrion, narrowly edging out Drunken Whoring Party Tyrion.
Dany – I’m a little disappointed that she didn’t drop her resume at any point, but who gives a shit? DRAGONS!!! Full-size dragons. Lighting stuff on fire. And a whole bunch of Dothraki. That’s a formidable army. Brute force and power. This episode did not place a lot of importance on strategy. Get more men. Kill more enemies. And dragons are worth like 10 men from Bear Island so you do that math.
The Masters – Never threaten anyone who has a dragon. Never ever EVER threaten someone with three dragons. Don’t worry, you’re probably not going to be the last people to learn this lesson.
Dragons – It’s about damn time. We’ve seen these guys full-strength like once when Dany first got to the slave cities. And that was like 10 years ago. Both on the show and in real life.
Sons of the Harpy – RIP. Those masks were kind of spooky. Not sure how functional they were, but you made do!
Ramsay (pt 1) – He turned out to be such fun crazy once Sansa got away and we were no longer subject to the sexual assault scenes.
War Council – Just fake confidence. Awkward. Knowing deep down they faced insurmountable odds. I guess that’s just the game plan of the underdog. Yeah, we’ll dig some trenches and then our opponents won’t stand a chance! We’ll use the Pincer move! I bet King Rob or King Stannis would have done something similar. Oh. Maybe listen to the girl?
Sansa – So she made some compelling points. She did know Ramsay better than anyone else. She did know how his mind works. She knew Ramsay right down to the fact that Rickon The Gangly Teen would not survive. Having said that… she offered no actual suggestions or solutions and didn’t say anything along the lines of “Uh, we actually might have a giant army coming later in the morning. Maybe stall the battle an hour or two?”
Tormund – Sour goat’s milk. If there isn’t a craft beer named “sour goat’s milk” by now, there will be soon.
Ser Davos – Never go into battle with a full stomach. Finding Shireen’s burned toy wasn’t exactly Jorah finding Dany’s ring in the middle of a giant field, but it’s close.
Melisandre – Uh… thanks for the help? Troll the respawn Melisandre. She’s burning children, birthing shadow demons and leeching nephews for Stannis, but all she’s got for Jon Snow is “Don’t lose?” I guess bringing him back from the dead was a nice gesture, but now that he’s here, how about a little help?
Dany and Yara – That was a delightful interaction.
The Battle of the Bastards – This battle was awesome. Elements of 300 and Braveheart. Not sure how Jon Snow could see what the hell Ramsay was doing from so far away. How the hell did they shoot that fight? With all the horses and people and blood. I know there were dragons earlier in this episode, but this looked quite difficult.
Ramsay (pt 2) – He does love messing with people. Just like Sansa said. Maybe listen to Sansa. Even if she doesn’t offer anything but criticism.
Rickon – RIP. Maybe run side to side? Oh well. Dude was in like 3 episodes.
Jon Snow – What an idiot. He didn’t listen to his sister. He sprinted into battle against thousands of people shooting arrows at him. He led his people to certain death. He lost the battle multiple times. He’s an awesome warrior – possible future opponent for The Mountain? – but good lord. And then he nearly got trampled to death. You don’t have to be the Lord of Light to know Jon Snow will never die. (Unless he does. We haven’t really lost any main characters this season. Somebody is going to die next week. It might even be you!)
Ramsay – Meanwhile, Ramsay has displayed a keen mind for battle multiple times. He dominated Jon. He left Stannis crippled. Did he draw up “Giant Pile of Bodies” on a chalk board? He was one lost raven away from being the legitimate Warden of the North. I mean, it’s a thankless job, but it’s a nice title that comes with a nice house with plenty of space to not let your dogs run around.
The Vale – When you hear Littlefinger’s War Horn, you know shit is about to go down. Especially if you’ve been waiting for Littlefinger and his army to show up for like 4 episodes and knew they were totally going to go Lord of the Rings at Helms Deep save the day.
Sansa and Baelish sitting there smirking really makes you think they could be a nice power couple. The whole dating your high school crush’s teenage daughter thing is awkward, but most of the people who know about that are dead, right?
Ramsay (pt 3) – You can only rely on dirty tricks and long range weapons for so long before the best ever uses brute force, walks up, and punches you in the face until it’s over and wait are we talking about the NBA Finals now?
Jon Snow (pt 2) – This one is for all the fans who have been here since day 1.
Wun Wun – RIP. The last giant. This is sad. We hardly got to see him in action, but when we did, he was awesome. To think just a few seasons ago giants and the other Wildlings were the bad guys.
Sansa (pt 2) – You know, she was completely right. If Jon had waited like… one more hour everyone would still be alive. But why didn’t she say something!? Sure, thousands of the good guys died because you didn’t want to tell your half-brother an older guy was interested in you, but it all worked out in the end. Except for all the people who died.
Ramsay (pt 4) – RIP. P = Pieces. Get it? His dogs ate him.
Sansa (pt 3) – So this comes down to Dany, Sansa, Yara and Margaery? Is that where we’re headed? I wonder if there’s a Night’s Queen?
from The Big Lead http://ift.tt/28KVLnl
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