One of the most convenient platforms for an NFL player to expand that all-important personal brand is at the postgame podium, where answering bland questions can also double as an opportunity to showcase their fashion sensibilities and personality to millions of fans and #brands across the globe.
Sometimes it works. Sometimes it most certainly does NOT. These are their stories.
Unfortunate BYE Weeks
There were no teams off — just like last week — and no one will get a Sunday off the rest of the way unless we’re speaking in a figurative sense. So with that said, this space will be used for something fun, like the above tweet from the Cowboys official Twitter account. Sure, it’s from 2008. But that doesn’t change its unmistakeable greatness.
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Russell Wilson
Three touchdown passes, another one on the ground, and the perfect jacket to match a scintillating performance. If I happened to own this blazer, I would never stop lighting cigars and wryly winking at people.
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Cam Newton
Listen, Cam Newton has earned the right to wear whatever the hell he wants. I just think it’s funny that he’s dressed like a guy discussing the triple-headed Oscar he just won for best actor, best director, and best original song rather than a quarterback who threw five filthy touchdown passes.
Nonetheless, this unusually spiffy ensemble is obviously worth another look. Cam, your thoughts?
Fair enough.
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Jay Cutler
Woah, buddy! Season’s not over just yet. Now cancel the hunting trip with Bobby Bacula, shave that “I give up” beard, turn that frown upside down, and get back to work.
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Brock Osweiler
Brock Osweiler gave a stirring speech to the media before everyone dug into their impromptu Easter brunch. As you may recall, we ran into this problem with Tyrod Taylor and DeMarco Murray early on in the season, and now it’s back. Come on, Brock. Focus on what’s in front of you. And what’s in front of you is CHRISTMAS. I do like the getup up though, regardless of its season-offending feel.
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Antonio Brown
Amaaaaazing TD celebration. Truly one of a kind. But all we really want to know, Antonio, is if you paid more for that divine fur coat than Steelers chairman Dan Rooney has spent on suits over the course of his entire 83-year life.
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Tom Brady
Disheveled MESS. The jacket’s all out of sorts and it appears that both of his bacon-necked shirts can’t decide what to do. Once again, when Tom Brady loses, it’s quite evident. Sir Thomas must be god awful at poker.
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Von Miller
Von Miller’s deadpan might be better than Will Farrell’s. Not exactly an easy feat. The solid-colored jacket and tie playing against a button-down gone wild is a genius move. Especially when said button-down is singing Bronco-themed colors.
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Aaron Rodgers
After that heroic heave on Thursday night, I will not mock Aaron’s sad choice of yet another white undershirt even though I just did.
Also, here’s a pretty important graphic should anyone ever ask you to explain professional sports in a succinct manner.
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Andy Dalton
Andy Dalton’s hair is peaking at the right time of the season. Simply put, he has mastered the art of the swirl and his eyebrows remain impressively active. Additionally, the stark contrast of enthusiasm between star quarterback and Bengals beat reporter is incredible.
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Teddy Bridgewater
Losing 38-7 tends to suck away any desire to get dressed up. That’s basically why Teddy looks like the guy who stands around the Gatorade cooler doing mostly nothing, aside from occasionally connecting on a high-five. The expression does all the driving here.
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Eli Manning
The sweater zip-up sandwiched between his suit jacket and button-down is so freakin’ Eli that I actually love it. But if you weren’t a fan of football or sports in general, you might be inclined to ask if Eli Manning were a prize fighter; a very bad prize fighter.
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Matt Ryan
Nice suit for a change and Matty’s trying as hard as Matty possibly can to not wear the loss on his face. Gotta give the guy a rare sliver of credit this week.
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Carson Palmer
Is this the week of a thousand messes? Someone start a GoFundMe for Carson Palmer’s closet. I don’t care if the dude already has boatloads of cash. All it takes is one look at this photo to assume Palmer just walks into stores, throws a bunch of darts, and takes home whatever they land on. Hopefully that does not include people.
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Bill Belichick
Do not ask Bill Belichick where the strings from his hood went or you must pay a very steep price: YOUR SOUL.
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Lee Smith
Speaking of souls, mine just scurried off into the unknown and did a cannonball into the abyss after what we’ll call The Lee Smith Experience. HOLY CRAP. Next.
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Doug Baldwin Jr.
After this genius tweet, how can you not love Doug Baldwin Jr.?
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Larry Fitzgerald
Larry Fitzgerald’s well-documented tie issues have returned and now appear to be heading north to seize control of the collar. Pedaling backwards seems to be this week’s unfortunate theme.
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Malcolm Jenkins
If I picked off Tom Brady and took it back 100 yards for a touchdown, I’d wear a bow tie too. Three of them.
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Robbie Gould
If you miss two field goals (one at the end of regulation), you can fully expect to wear microphones after the game. Thankfully, Robbie’s nostrils made it out alive.
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Ryan Fitzpatrick
Wow, 390 yards, two TDs and ownership of New York; at least for now. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Jets quarterback show this much happiness in my entire lifetime. Guessing Fitzpatrick woke up in his uniform this morning, hopped in his pickup truck, and happily drove to practice.
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Tyrod Taylor
A fine, fine look if it turns out that Tyrod Taylor recited a series of famous poems to the Buffalo media. Still no confirmation on that just yet.
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The New York Jets
No.
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Brian Cushing
Haven’t checked in on Brian Cushing all season long and … ha! Perfect. If I had to guess how many of those shirts hanging in his locker were made by Affliction, I’d say at least 85%.
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Matt Schaub?
Yup. Picking up right where we left off. See what I did there? Pretty inventive play on words, I know. But seriously, if you didn’t expect four picks in two starts, you’ve never seen Matt Schaub play football.
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NaVorro Bowman
NaVorro Bowman is always pretty stylish and this jacket proves as much. But do you think he knows there’s an enormous collar lodged under his beard? Hopefully Jed York asked him to fix it and has since been sent through the Spanish announcer’s table.
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Nick Foles
Nick Foles showing signs of life in the form of a hip jacket that someone told him to wear actually serves as major progress in his unique, stoic case.
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Blake Bortles
More team merchandise? Gee, this is a surprise. Still waiting on that sweet bracelet, Blake. You promised — actually, you just said “maybe” — but regardless, my heart remains as vacant as Bill Belichick’s eyes.
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Tamba Hali
Truthfully, I don’t know a ton about Tamba Hali, but his interview was tremendous. What a sensible, grounded dude filled with positivity. And the fact that Tamba conducted his interview before wiping a lifetime’s worth of sweat off his face just proves his undeniable selflessness.
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Marcus Mariota
The dude ran for an 87-yard TD, ditched the tie, and finally appears as though he might not be answering scandalous questions from the media. Sure, it took until Week 13. But some players never emerge from the cocoon. Just ask Kyle Orton.
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Justin Pugh
Dear god, is Justin Pugh wearing a gray button-down with black sleeves? Yeesh. The Giants need help everywhere.
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Ben Roethlisberger
Big Ben wore a scarf. I repeat: Big Ben wore a SCARF. While it is being disguised by a number of microphones that serve as wonderful beard ornaments, it’s in there somewhere. And just like that, the “Santa might actually be real” rumors gain some serious steam.
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Jameis Winston
Winston’s Inner-Monologue: “Yeeeeeeah, gonna go ahead and primp my beautiful suit up while you ask about me winning for the third time in four weeks.” Well done, young man.
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Lovie Smith
At long last, welcome back, Lovie! You’ve been gone for so, soooo long. The heavy look of confusion is completely understandable. It’s just nice to see you again.
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Bonus Round
Kind of feel like once this guy retires, he’ll eventually star in a hit broadway play featuring himself starring as all 17 characters.
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Easily one of the best photos from NFL Sunday.
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This one too. Incredible.
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But this? Well, this is an all-timer. Cutler looks like he’s been asked to talk to his mom about the family Secret Santa. Keep in mind, this was taken during the game. The casualness of his demeanor is enough to kill me from laughing. Twice.
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