One of the most convenient platforms for an NFL player to expand that all-important personal brand is at the postgame podium, where answering bland questions can also double as an opportunity to showcase their fashion sensibilities and personality to millions of fans and #brands across the globe.
Sometimes it works. Sometimes it does NOT. These are their stories.
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Aaron Rodgers
This season has been excruciatingly painful for Aaron Rodgers on both a physical and emotional level. Can you tell? Those vacant eyes look like they were just informed that Rocky dies three times in Creed, with the last one featuring an aging Balboa falling victim to a poorly crafted cane and a slippery street. That lazy, visibly-offensive white undershirt is so uninspired and so Wisconsin, I can hardly care that the Packers managed to blow it at home against the Bears.
Seriously, forget football. Is Aaron Rodgers OK?
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Ted Ginn, Jr.
Tedd Ginn looks like Brother Mouzone during much happier days, well before he went full heel. Love the spirit. But could do without the Beats By Dre headphones intruding on said spirit.
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Tony Romo
Wow. It would be pretty cruel to mock this. So let’s be civil for a change and knock on every door in the neighborhood, screaming “How ‘Bout Them Cowboys!”
Get well, get well soon, we wish you to get well!
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Jay Cutler
Jesus. In the storied words of Clark Griswold, go to bed, Russ. Also, your beard is about to form an unholy alliance with your chest hair. You’ve been warned.
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Where Is Cam Newton?
Still searching for Cam and his supreme style, but — while we’re waiting — Greg Olsen was kind enough to fulfill about 1.3% of that void.
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Cam Newton
There he is! As subtle as can be and the M-V-P … because his defense is amazingly stout. This is why everyone deserves a trophy. Even you and your 4th of July BBQ shirt, Blaine Gabbert.
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John Fox
John Fox’s cheeks have officially announced plans to defreeze by Week 2 of the 2017 season. Seems overly ambitious, if you ask me.
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Mark Sanchez
As you can plainly see, Mark Sanchez was gifted with an astonishing podium only reserved for the true NFL greats. This is just perfect. Additionally, I cannot think of a better way to describe the 2015 Philadelphia Eagles.
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Ron Rivera
It’s honestly hard to hate on Ron Rivera. He’s finding success and looks like the visiting uncle that genuinely wants to know how your college semester is going.
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Brent Celek
The Eagles are now providing free shock therapy following each game, which I find to be a well-earned, thoughtful health care benefit.
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Jason Kelce
The demeanor of everyone in the Eagles locker room is one of desperation, exhaustion, and a severe lack of explanation. It’s pretty damn funny for anyone outside of the wonderful city of Philadelphia.
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